David Choe on Dating Koreans

Don’t kill the messenger.

I recently came across this article, in which David Choe, a Korean-American artist, describes Koreans (himself included) as “undateable.” In his words,

[Korean women are] overbearing; jealous; unreasonable; like, unrealistic about life; demanding. … But also the men too. If you’re a woman, I would never recommend dating a Korean guy.”

I have met plenty of “cool” Korean women, but they usually have grown up abroad or lived overseas for an extended period.

After dating C, I can see Choe’s point. There’s a culture, obsessed with smartphones and dramas, which emphasizes last-minute planning; making excuses to protect someone’s feelings (which, or course, has the opposite effect); and generally creates unrealistic expectations about dating (most notably that the man should bend over backwards to appease the woman).

Once, I volunteered for the Seoul 48 Hour Film Festival. They were doing a meet-and-greet, party event, where I planned on helping out. On Friday after work, I went there. C texted me midway there, saying that she was waiting for me outside of my apartment. We talked, and I was under the impression that she was going home.

She did not give me a straight answer and, in retrospect, her response was ambiguous. I said I would come back, and she said, “It’s alright, I’m going there now.” I thought she meant her home.

About an hour later, she asks where I am, then gets pissed off and refuses to respond. I hop in a taxi back to the subway station near my house, then walk in the pouring rain for fifteen minutes to meet her. And, of course, it was still my fault.

I’m not a mind-reader. And eventually I got sick of being the only one who was making any effort in our relationship.

But that’s a story for another day.

Up next, pictures from Canada.


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